Black belt testing.

[John Rauch]

Somehow, this doesn't seem like it fits under "Health and Fitness", but whatever...

As some of you know, last Friday and Saturday was my black belt testing. The test was four hours each day, and I can honestly say that there's nothing I could've done to be more prepared for it. All of the physical tasks they gave us were things I could handle...hundreds of push-ups, some with people sitting on my back, grappling, sparring, army crawling through the woods and river bank, running a few miles carrying medicine balls, crunches and similar moves on gravel and asphalt...you name it, we did it. And if everyone else had to do it once, I did it twice...or more, or with some added measure of difficulty.

Although it was not a large portion of the test in terms of time, the grappling was the hardest part of the test. The dojo I trained at has no one qualified to really teach ground fighting and as a result, I had almost no experience with grappling and jiu-jitsu. However, the larger school we tested with has several specialists in this who teach there. So I was already uncomfortable with it even with other students, but the people I had to grapple with were belt holding amateur fighters and fight coaches, one of which had something like 97 wins to his name, I found out after. The hardest thing about this was when I was inevitably choked out and had exhausted every option I knew of to get out, I'd finally tap before passing out from a lack of oxygen and instead of ending the match or starting over from a standing position, my opponent (or opponents) simply loosened his grip a few inches and started choking me again. This went on for what seemed like eternity and I never want to see a tape of it. I don't think I did anything but panic and I'm not sure there was anything I could've done.

The second day, we repeated all this again, but in the river and on top of being continually choked, I was pulled under water as well. To make it worse, this was done gauntlet style spending several minutes with each opponent before I could finish. It was absolutely the most traumatizing event of my life. After Friday night's testing, I arrived back home at almost 11 pm, sobbed, tried to eat some dinner, then laid awake in bed afraid of what would happen the next day until my alarm went off at 6am the following morning. My throat hurt from all the choking. I had been beaten up a ton of different ways, picked up and slammed on the floor in ways I had only seen in UFC fights, feared for my life and when I'd be able to get my next breath for some portions of the test. Through it all, I tried to keep reminding myself that they couldn't legally kill me. Once, while being choked, I even tried to force myself not to tap, hoping that if I had actually gone unconscious, that at least that portion of the testing would end. Unfortunately, I didn't have the nerve to allow it to happen and I ended up tapping. I felt like a failure in every possible way.

Through the entire thing, my sensei taunted, by calling me "P90" and asked "How's that working for you now?" The last thing we did on the second day before the belt ceremony was sparring with two of the very experienced amateur fighters/fight coaches from the school who I had previously grappled with. I had the crap beaten out of me here, just like everything else, but at least this time I knew enough to trade a few blows when I could. My first opponent in sparring was a tall, lanky guy like myself, and within the first minute, I landed a left hook on his temple that rocked him pretty hard and I could tell he was wobbly. All I could remember was the owner of the school, a 4th degree black belt himself with more experience than any of them, telling us that none of us were going to beat his instructors today and if he thought for a second that we might, he'd step in himself. With that in mind, I stepped back a second and let him recover, rather than swarming him and trying to finish the fight. After he recovered, he did end up getting the best of me, but I can say that no matter what they hit me with, I got back up every time before they even had a chance to tell me.

The test was about survival and I had survived. I was told afterwards by my sensei that he had never been impressed by anyone who he's ever seen test as he was with me. He also said that because of my superior conditioning, they felt like this was the only way to get me to my breaking point and find out if I would continue after. To be honest, I really feel like it was over the line and I'm still somewhat traumatized by it, but I did survive. I'm still trying to decide if I want to continue training with these people and associating myself with them, knowing what they did and that they think it was OK to do this. I certainly wouldn't want to "inspire" anyone else to go into testing and have anything like this happen to them. I've already decided that there's no way my wife and kids will ever test for black belt if I have anything to say about it. The women and children testing (and for the most part, the other two men) did not go through what I did, but I still feel pretty strongly about it. My sensei has informed me that he wants me to teach Tuesday night's class because it is the most attended of our classes, but like I said, I don't even know if I want to go yet.

As of right now, my left leg is barely usable and I can't bend it or tense the muscle in any way at all. My right leg is strained as well and feels to be getting worse as I try to compensate for the other side not being able to handle the load. I have several bruises around my ribs, can only turn my head maybe 30 degrees each direction and it hurts to do so, a possible broken toe, a black eye, busted lip, and I'm seeing a grey spot through my right eye. But I expected most of that. The psychological scarring from the grappling (read: prolonged choking with occasional chances to breath)feels worse.

All that said, I did what I said I would and I now have a black belt. Whether I ever tie it on again is to be determined.

[John Rauch]

Forgot to mention, before testing began Friday afternoon, I weighed 207 lbs. After testing ended Saturday, I ate most of a large pizza, a few bread sticks, about a gallon of water, some gummy bears, and then weighed 198.

[Laura]

Wow. "Brutal" doesn't even describe your experience. I know that the experience of attaining your black belt is supposed to be memorable, but memorable and traumatizing are two different things.

Next time I talk to my brother-in-law, I'll ask him how his black belt testing went and if it was anything like this. Granted, he tested in the '80s or early '90s, but I can't imagine that the discipline has changed that much in twenty years.

[tennesseeg4]

Man, that sounds awful! They took their best shot at you, and couldn't break you, so that's something to be proud of. You can be a positive influence on the younger or less experienced fighters, and to me that's reason enough to stay.

[John Rauch]

Oh, they broke me. They just didn't give me enough air to say it out loud.

[Zombie Dave McCaig]

Congrats?

[John Rauch]

Congrats?

I've gotten a lot of that the past couple days and I don't really know what to say. There's not much there that I can be proud of. It wasn't a winnable situation or really what I would consider a test, just something to survive. Many of the other students and existing black belts have bowed when they saw me the past couple days and I've asked that they not. I'm not sure what to think right now.

[Zombie Dave McCaig]

As i told John on AIM earlier - at least he wasn't going for his 3rd dan. I hear they hit you with a Ford Explorer - you cry, you fail.

[John Rauch]

Thanks to all who responded about this. My black belt certification is in Bando Ryu Karate (which includes portions of traditional karate, muay thai, kick boxing, jiu-jitsu, wing chung kung fu, TKD, and others) and Kenpo Jitsu. "Karate" is a general term they use, but basically, we do real world self defense and MMA stuff. The board of examiners who signed my certificate include some of the most respected martial artists in the country and many believe they're more valid because the testing is so difficult. The thing is, the testing is never the same thing twice. They tailor it towards the individuals testing that year. This year, there were only three adults testing, all of us men, and it was a well-known fact that they wouldn't be able to break me down by conditioning alone, so I'm told they did this because they felt it was important to get me to a breaking point and see if I'd continue pressing on. It was not a test to be won in any way, only survived. The other two men, while it was definitely brutal on them as well, I don't believe they had to deal with a lot of what I did. I guess it didn't pay to train and prepare for this since I was only punished. In the times I was actually hand to hand fighting someone, it was difficult and I had the crap knocked out of me, but it was ALWAYS my choice to continue on. I think what I'm upset about is being choked so frequently and without a chance to reset that in the panic of being confronted with something I really hadn't been trained to defend, I couldn't have quit if I wanted to. I didn't have the air to do it. I understand, to an extent, the desire to make black belt testing as real as possible so you have a frame of reference should something ever happen in real life, but there are limits. A person needs the option to get out or it's bordering on torture, I believe. I also recognize that when these things are happening to you, time slows down and it probably feels like longer than it really was, but that doesn't take the fear and panic out of the situation at all.

Also, I'm tired of hearing from my instructors how great I did and how impressed they were. Having their respect doesn't seem to matter any more now that I've lost a substantial amount of respect for them.

[Jeremy Colwell]

Wow, John. I'm glad you survived it and accomplished something you set out to do, but that is just ...wow. Hope you recover, physically--but most importantly mentally/emotionally--soon. I can't even image.

[Ryan]

That sounds horrific. I'm glad you didn't die!

It's bizarre and stupid that you were punished for being more prepared than everyone else. That's the way to get your students to work hard!

[Nathan]

Hey, John. Hope you're all recovered from this. Did you ever go back to that school? I hope not.

[John Rauch]

I have gone back, actually, but I'm still torn about it. Nothing like this happens in the regular classes and I've already made it clear that my kids won't be testing for their black belts until they're adults and that I'm not interested in doing to others anything like what was done to me.

[Nick Pitarra]

Damn that whole experience sounds intense. It almost seems like they held some type of animosity or jealousy about your fitness level...and took the test as an opportunity to take advantage of you. Then again I don't know the thought process that goes behind breaking down someone...and for all I know it could be essential to martial arts training. Maybe they are working at a higher level all together and know that would motivate you to be more well rounded or refocus or or be prepared in real life or whatever....but it sounds like they just exercised some machismo hang-ups of their own. Regardless of the experience though...Congratulations! It's got to be rewarding to keep setting goals and achieving them....a black belt is a serious achievement.

Do you watch Mixed Martial arts? Favorite fighters? I'm a big fan of the sport.

[John Rauch]

Yeah, I like to watch. Frankie Edgar and Forrest Griffin are my favorites, but I also like watching Jon Jones, Anderson Silva, et al.

Regarding the black belt thing, I was invited (expected) to come to a testing for a boy who's father is in the final stages of cancer and only has a few weeks to live and he wanted to see his son get his black belt before he died. The boy wasn't really ready, or the two friends who tested with him so he didn't have to do it alone, but they did work hard while they were there. I actually faked illness and went home a few hours into the first day and didn't come back on the second. Their testing wasn't even close to as brutal as mine, but I'm still having issues with it and don't really want to be around it. That said, I was certified by the founder of our discipline as well as a handful of other VERY high ranking black belts from the mid-west. So, that's kind of cool, I guess. I have the certificate, but didn't want to come back for the awards ceremony, since it was held immediately after the testing. I enjoy martial arts, but I must not fit in with this group as they all think this kind of testing is a great experience to remember your entire life. Then again, I get the impression none of them went through what I did.